New Heart Surgery
NEW HEART SURGERY
Plan of Salvation – Acts 2:38
Skit Overview:
Doctor and nurse dressed in full surgery gear – interview an ailing patient and subsequently perform surgery, pulling out and putting in various outrageous articles to fix the problems.
The video embedded above ends with several clips from the actual skit itself. It doesn’t show it in its entirety but it will give you glimpses of how it happened.
Setup at beginning:
Stage is set up as a waiting / surgery room. Doctor and nurse are costumed appropriately, have clipboards and are looking very officious.
Patient who is chewing gum strolls in with a major attitude snarling at the kids and being very disrespectful. Everything he/she says before and during the surgery is done with dripping sarcasm, disrespect and attitude.
Dr.: So nurse, what’s on the schedule for today?
Nurse: Not a whole lot actually, you seem to have cured everyone that had a problem.
Dr. (very full of himself): Well, yes, I am pretty amazing if I do say so myself. I mean, as heart doctors go, I am just about as good as they get.
Nurse: Uh… yeah. You ARE pretty good but…
Patient comes right up to the stage and just glares at the doctor and nurse.
Dr.: Yes? Can I help you?
Patient: Doubt it… you don’t look like you could help anyone really.
Nurse: Do you know who this IS? This is Dr (fill in the blank), the world most renown cardiologist!
Patient: Yeah? That’s nice… whatever. I don’t know what one of those cardi… cardio… however you say it even IS but if my dog’s ever sick I’ll let you know.
Dr.: You know son, I actually think you might be a perfect subject for me to help.
Patient: I’m not your son, Pops and I really don’t think you can help me…. or anyone else for that matter.
Dr.: Why don’t you just give me a shot at it. Just tell, what’s bothering you?
Patient: Well my heart’s been hurting and really I haven’t been feeling so good overall.
Dr.: That doesn’t sound good… what are some other symptoms
Patient: I get angry really easily and I don’t feel like going to church anymore.
Dr.: yikes! This sounds serious anything else?
Nurse: Oh my! This is getting worse all the time
Patient: Yeah, I don’t like listening to my parents anymore, I get mad when anyone tells me what to do, I don’t even listen in church anymore, I hate going to school, I just don’t like anything! I’m not happy! I hate my life!
Dr.: Oh my goodness this sounds like the worst case I have seen in years! It looks like we’re going to do some serious surgery on you to get everything right.
Nurse: Climb up onto this table. Lay down right here. Put your head on this end.
Patient: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, I HATE WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I AM SICK OF THIS! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
Nurse jumps back and holds up hands like she’s scared
Dr. (slowly, exaggeratedly and even a bit sarcastically): Uh, OK. What she meant was, Can you PLEASE climb up on this table and lay down here? Please… if you don’t mind.
They settle the patient on the table, cover him/her with a sheet. This sheet is big enough to cover the patient from neck down over feet and should have feet to spare on either side. The side of the sheet that is away from the audience needs to have a slit in it so you can pull things out.
Dr: “This is going to hurt me a lot more than it will hurt you”.
Patient (dripping sarcasm): “Yeah that’s what my parents tell me all the time. Whatever!”
Doctor pulls out massive knife and began to make incision… pretending to make a cut in the patient while actually just going behind him/her.
FYI, if you are doing this for a younger audience use something that is OBVIOUSLY not going to cut such as a huge pair of plastic, pink scissors.
Patient screams and thrashes around.
Patient: OUCH! WHAT are you TRYING TO DO? Kill me?
Nurse: Doctor! You forgot to give him anesthesia!!!!
Dr.: Oh yes… ahem… I was, uh, testing his nervous system to make sure it was in working order.
Nurse pulls out a LARGE INJECTION Needle (a BIG turkey baster) and a jar of punch labeled KNOCK OUT fluid that has BIG skull & crossbones symbol and the word “DANGER” on it. She fills the baster with the fluid.
Nurse: “This is for the doctor to do a good job. You really need GOD in your heart! You will be like a new Christian when the doctor is finished. Don’t worry, it is NOT just exploratory surgery. This is a “take out the bad and put in the Word of God!”
Patient: Then let’s get on with this! I have a lot YouTube backed up that I need to watch!
Nurse plunges the baster in the chest of the patient. He yells, twitches and is about to yell again when the nurse squirts the remaining juice from the baster into his mouth.
Nurse:There… that should do the trick.
Patient swallows, licks his lips and immediately falls asleep snoring.
Nurse: Okay doctor he’s all yours.
Dr.: OK! This guy NEEDS GOD – I know we are going to find some interesting and probably BAD stuff in here!
Doctor expands the incision, pulls the patient open and he and the nurse both step back, gasping at what they see inside.
Dr.: Oh my, this is way worse than I thought.
They reach in and pull out:
- CELL phone: Use this to talk about inappropriate texting, web browsing, YOU TUBE, etc.
- Replace with a Bible – The Word of God
- Big plastic gun – Video Game cases – represents violence in movies, TV and video games
- LARGE prickly PLANT: to represent drugs & LARGE can of Jalapeno pepper JUICE: to represent alcohol
- Replace with BOTTLE of HONEY to represent prayer / being in the presence of God is better than any drugs could ever be
- Rotten potatoes: dirty heart to represent his current bad spiritual condition
- Replace with a clean heart (anything heart-shaped)
Dr.: “Nurse – push down here – hold this tight – I need to cut him open a little bigger – there’s something BIG in here that doesn’t belong.”
Dr. pulls out the huge knife and pretends to cut a bigger opening
Nurse: “Be careful doctor – this is really dangerous looking.
Nurse begins spraying silly string from behind the patient.
Doctor: “Oh my word! HOLD it Nurse! I must have cut his pancreas open! DON’T let go! Here I will fix it! HOLD THE PATIENT TIGHT!
Silly string continues to spray until the can runs out
Dr.: “OKAY, here it IS! I have a hold of it! It’s slippery! HOLD HIM TIGHT! I will need to PULL out this huge object!
Doctor pulls out:
- Cow tongue: represents how he talks to and about others. Cursing etc.
- Big Boot or Shoe – represents how Satan climbs into our heart. Its pretty sad when he gets such a foothold that he leaves his shoes sitting around!
- Checks the ears: pull out headphones and something labeled bad music (a CD with BIG WORDS – CURSING).
- This is the problem for why he isn’t listening in church anymore. He’s got to watch what he listens to! Bad music has caused more problems than I can remember.”
- Cauliflower covered with ketchup: to represent a dirty mind. Everything that happens they think of with nasty connotations
- Replace with a clean mind (clean cauliflower)
- Spears of Asparagus: from an open can (ROOTS of DISRESPECT – they have grown into the heart of the patient
- Doctor or nurse each take a bite, grimace and then says, “OH NO! This has GOT to go… VERY bad!” Replace with RED LICORICE – fresh respect!
- Buttermilk: to represent a rotten attitude – pour into a glass and offers a Sunday school child to smell/drink THEN the doctor drinks a little bit. Says, “NO – I cannot have this rotten attitude in my life!”
- Replace with FRESH ALMOND MILK – fresh milk of the spirit
SURGERY IS OVER!
Dr.: Ok, I think we have him fixed now. Let’s stitch him up and get him awake!
They sew him back together with huge knitting needles and yarn. The doctor then slaps him back to consciousness.
The patient slowly wakes up and is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON! He/she stretches out his/her arms, sits up on the table and announces loudly:
Patient: WOW, I feel new. I feel fresh. I don’t even hurt in my heart. I love my life! Thank you so much! Doctor! COME HERE!
He runs and gives the doctors an embarrassingly big hug.
Doctor: “Great! We really worked hard in a short time!”
Nurse: “We have a NEW HEART PLAN for you! You will love it!”
Nurse holds up a sign with ACTS 2:38 printed on it in big letters.
Doctor: “Here is your NEW HEART PLAN!”
Doctor has the class quote Acts 2:38 with him.
Nurse: And your Doctor has some recommendations for you to follow.
Nurse hold up the Recommendation sign
Click to download PDF of Heart Plan
Doctor reads off the recommendations to the patient and to the class
Patient: “I will DO THIS! Thank you Doctor! Thank you Nurse! And, most importantly thank you LORD for this new chance! I will PRAY at the ALTAR now! I want to BE A GOOD CHRISTIAN! Are there any Sunday School Children that can help me pray? I need GOD!!!!!
Have helpers give each Sunday School Child the HANDOUT
Download PDF of handout
